Navigating Loss and Finding Peace in the Process
"The more we resist, the more we suffer. True peace begins when we accept life as it is."
— Tara Brach
My father passed away late last year.
Until recently, I had never experienced the death of someone so close to me. For most of my adult life, I had wondered how I would process the passing of a close family member, especially one of my parents.
Surprisingly, alongside the sadness and grief, I experienced moments of deep gratitude, connection, and peace.
For years, I’ve believed that when the people we love pass away, they come even closer to us than before. Yet I often wondered how I would actually experience this when the moment came.
Despite his condition, my father remained engaged with life, even in his final days. He also managed to access something that has taken me a while to fully understand…
Acceptance.
In his last days, my father reached out to the people he loved to say goodbye.
Two days before he passed, he asked to speak with me on the phone.
There was a new quality in his voice—an acceptance, a coming to terms with the situation.
During that call, he said:
“Todo salió bien al final.”
"Everything turned out okay in the end."
Those words held deep significance for me.
Many years ago, my father struggled with my sexuality, and we didn’t speak for over a year and a half.
Decades later, about six months before his passing, at a family reunion in Cancun, my father hugged me and my husband and called him 'mi yerno' (my son-in-law).
So when he said, “Everything turned out okay in the end,” on that last phone call, those words carried profound meaning.
I have always felt that, at least in part, we are here to heal and to make peace with ourselves and the people in our lives, so those last interactions with my father felt like a precious gift of acceptance and healing.
The doctors had said my father still had a few months left to live. Yet, just two days after that call, he passed away.
It was as if once he had those final conversations with the people he loved, he was ready to depart.
After having wondered for so long how I would handle something like this, in the end, as strange as it might sound, I found beauty in the process. By accepting this moment fully, I was able to connect with the full cycle of life, which also includes death.
Radical Acceptance
As I continued to process my father's passing over the past few weeks, I noticed that the practice that helped me the most was also acceptance.
Reflecting on challenging moments in my life and my work with coaching clients, I realised that our ability to accept makes the biggest difference in how we navigate difficult times.
I noticed common patterns when I experience or see suffering in others:
Resistance – A refusal to accept reality as it is, wishing it were different.
Judgment & Criticism – Whether directed to the situation, others or oneself.
I saw how these responses amplify suffering in situations that are already challenging and painful.
This concept is known as “the second arrow” in Buddhism.
The ‘first arrow’ represents the challenges in life, which are inevitable and often beyond control. The ‘second arrow’ is the negative reaction, the suffering, or the additional pain we inflict upon ourselves by dwelling on or resisting the ‘first arrow’.
As I explored this further, I realised that acceptance is not just about processing grief or loss. It is essential for navigating change, overcoming challenges, and for our growth and experience of life.
The kind of acceptance I am referring to is sometimes called Radical Acceptance, which, in its purest form, is about meeting reality without resistance.
It means acknowledging what is, even when it’s painful or uncomfortable, and making peace with it.
Radical Acceptance does not mean agreeing with what is happening; it means releasing resistance to what is outside our control and focusing our energy on finding peace and ways forward.
There is a saying attributed to the Buddha:
“Pain is an inevitable part of life, but suffering is optional”
Suffering doesn’t come from the pain we are experiencing, but from how struggle against it.
It comes from resisting what is.
From wishing things were different.
From judging situations, others, or ourselves.
By recognising and allowing what is, we free ourselves from unnecessary suffering, creating space for presence, clarity, and peace.
A Final Gift
During the weeks leading up to my father’s passing, I gradually moved toward this kind of Radical Acceptance, mostly unconsciously.
Reflecting on his last days and the words he shared with me during our final call, I realised that my father found peace through acceptance, which allowed him to live his final days with connection and presence.
For me, beyond accepting his condition and inevitable departure, the greatest source of peace came from accepting my father and our relationship exactly as they were—not as I might have wished him or our relationship to be.
As sad and difficult as it was, this acceptance allowed me to process his passing from a much more grounded and connected place.
There was no fighting and no resistance to what was happening, and therefore, no suffering.
There was sadness, grief, and pain, but no suffering.
Applying Radical Acceptance in Everyday Life
Over the last few weeks, I have come to realise that the practice of Radical Acceptance applies to all areas of life, not just to grief and loss.
Ironically, while I embraced Radical Acceptance during such a profound experience as my father’s passing, I often struggle with it in simpler daily challenges like being stuck in traffic, handling deadlines, or managing last-minute changes. I think this is because resisting and worrying gives us an illusionary sense of control or ‘doing something’.
So, for me, Radical Acceptance is a continuous practice.
I share this in the hope that it may ease unnecessary suffering and bring more space into your life, especially in already difficult situations.
If you're currently struggling with something, consider your level of resistance to the situation as it is. I find it useful to use a numerical rating from 1 (full resistance) to 10 (full acceptance), to help me understand where I am on the scale.
Then you can ask yourself:
What would be different if you softened resistance, even just a little?
What would be possible if you accessed even slightly more acceptance?
What would it take to increase your level of acceptance by one or two points?
Reflecting on these questions can open up new possibilities for how you experience challenges in your life with less suffering.
I hope the practice of acceptance allows for some space and freedom, especially when dealing with challenging situations in your life.
If this post resonated, feel free to comment and share your reflections with me. I personally respond to every comment, and I’d love to hear your thoughts.
If you want to receive more practical strategies on leadership, emotional health, and life transitions, sign up for my Integrative Coaching Newsletter.
