How High Performers Can Calm an Overactive Nervous System
“We cannot selectively numb emotions. When we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive emotions.”
– Brené Brown
Over the years, I’ve noticed a common pattern in many of the leaders, founders and professionals I work with.
They tend to operate in one of two modes.
Mode one: Pushing.
Deliver. Perform. Achieve. Solve problems. Anticipate what’s next. Stay slightly ahead of the moment.
For many high performers, this mode is familiar and often rewarded. It can produce results. But it’s also frequently driven by fear. Fear of falling behind, disappointing others, or losing momentum.
Over time, constantly operating from this activated state can take a toll on the nervous system.
Mode two: Collapse.
After days of effort, responsibility and decision-making, the system eventually runs out of energy. Evenings become exhaustion. Weekends become recovery mode rather than restoration.
This is the pattern:
Accelerate during the week.
Recover on the weekend.
Repeat.
Over time, this cycle can leave the nervous system in a near-continuous state of activation. Many people don’t realise they’re living with an overactive nervous system until the body begins asking for more and more recovery.
I recently caught myself in this cycle whilst riding my motorcycle here in Chiang Mai, where I live.
I hadn’t left quite enough time to get to a meeting. As I rode through traffic, I noticed my body leaning forward, and I was gripping the handlebars tightly. My mind was already at the meeting instead of on the road.
My nervous system was already in the future so much that my body was physically leaning forward.
That’s when I remembered a simple practice I had recently learned, a short four-word “mantra” used to calm an overactive nervous system.
I took a deep breath and at the end of each exhale I silently said those four words in my mind:
Relax.
Release.
Surrender.
Receive.
After a couple of rounds, something subtle shifted.
My grip on the handlebars loosened. My breath softened. My shoulders dropped. But most noticeably, my body leaned back instead of forward.
My nervous system went from acceleration toward presence.
What struck me most was that this shift happened while I was still riding to the meeting. I wasn’t stopping the activity itself, I was simply softening while still being in action.
This helped me realise something important.
We don’t always have to move from activation to collapse. Sometimes we can learn to soften while still moving forward.
Over the following days, I kept repeating the mantra whenever I noticed activation. Some days it landed easily. On others it didn’t.
Eventually I started adding my name and silently saying each pair of words after an exhale:
Poncho, Relax.
Poncho, Release.
Poncho, Surrender.
Poncho, Receive.
Something about hearing my name made the invitation more direct. Instead of being an idea, the words became a signal to my nervous system to soften.
Eventually, I brought this practice into a session with a client.
She’s a very successful business owner who recently launched a new venture. For the first time, she wasn’t just running a business, she was building a team and running a pilot project that, for her, carried a lot of responsibility and meaning.
Naturally, it stretched her beyond her comfort zone and as a consequence, fears and insecurities surfaced.
We began the session with the grounding practice, with eyes closed:
Inhale…exhale: ‘Relax.’
Inhale…exhale: ‘Release.’
Inhale…exhale: ‘Surrender.’
Inhale…exhale: ‘Receive.’
Once she opened her eyes, she shared something important that the last word had brought up.
Receiving had always been difficult for her. From a young age, she had been responsible for herself and members of her family. She put herself through college and built successful businesses early.
Her identity had been shaped around effort and self-reliance.
As we explored the anxiety around her new venture, something became clear.
She was unconsciously equating her worth with its outcome.
If the business succeeded, she was successful.
If it failed, she would be a failure.
I asked her a simple question.
“When your worth depends on the outcome of this venture, what is your experience?”
Her response was immediate.
“Tense. Contracted. Worried.”
I invited her to imagine she was wearing a pair of glasses that focussed only on the outcome as the measure of value. Then I asked her to remove those glasses and physically move her chair slightly to the side so she could look at the situation from a new perspective.
From this position, I offered a different lens.
“What if this venture is an opportunity to learn and gather lessons, regardless of the outcome?”
Her body language changed almost immediately.
She described feeling more distance. Still engaged. Still somewhat nervous. But no longer completely engulfed by the possibility of failure.
The venture became a learning process rather than a verdict.
Then we explored one more perspective.
After another breath and softening of her shoulders, I asked:
“What if this project is also an opportunity to learn how to receive?”
Receive support from your team.
Receive lessons from the process.
Receive growth without tying it to your identity.
Her shoulders dropped further. She exhaled deeply.
Then tears began to run down her face.
“I don’t know how to motivate myself without pressure,” she said quietly. “I’ve worked so hard all my life. I don’t know another way.”
Do you relate?
For many high performers, pressure becomes the fuel for action. Without it, they fear they might stop moving forward.
The real shift wasn’t about the business.
It was about learning to move forward without relying entirely on pressure.
Looking back, the sequence we began the session with quietly opened the door for this deeper insight.
Relax — soften the body.
Release — let go of tension.
Surrender — stop trying to control the outcome.
Receive — allow what comes.
From a young age, many of us learned how to push.
Few of us learned how to regulate an overactive nervous system, or how to receive without pressure.
Relaxing, releasing, surrendering and receiving does not mean passivity or lack of ambition.
It means allowing space.
Allowing support.
Allowing outcomes to inform you rather than define you.
It means shifting from:
“I must make this work to prove my worth.”
to
“I will engage fully and remain open to what this brings.”
Practice for the Week
Choose one area of your life where you feel stuck or under pressure.
Notice what happens in your body when you think about it.
Then, close your eyes and with each exhale repeat:
Relax.
Release.
Surrender.
Receive.
If it helps, add your name before each word.
Notice what changes in your breath, shoulders and posture.
You might discover a different way of motivating yourself, one that still includes effort and commitment, but also space, groundedness and support.
As always, I’d love to hear about your experience with this practice. If you try it, comment below and let me know what you notice.
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