The Hidden Energy Behind Your Decisions
“Real leadership is not about control. It is about creating the conditions for life to move forward.”
– Margaret Wheatley
On a recent coaching call, I was reminded how often successful, capable people run their lives on an energy source they rarely question.
It often shows up as drive, responsibility, ambition, or “doing what needs to be done”. Underneath, however, there is frequently a more familiar fuel:
Fear.
Fear of falling behind. Fear of getting it wrong. Fear of losing what has been built.
Fear is not a problem. It is a protective strategy, which is sometimes needed. It keeps us alert, focused, and ready to act.
The challenge arises when fear becomes the default source of action. Not just in moments of crisis, but in everyday decisions, planning, and conversations about the future.
An Unconscious Strategy
I recently started working with a new client. She is an accomplished leader in the corporate world. She has had a successful career and recently started a new role, which she loves.
She came to coaching because she wanted support in clarifying the next stage of her career.
As we began the session, something was immediately noticeable.
Her body was leaning forward. Her speech was fast. Her arms were moving constantly as she spoke. There was a sense of urgency. However, I wasn’t sure she was aware of it.
I invited her to pause for a moment, and simply notice what was happening in her body.
I asked her to freeze her posture and bring her attention to what was present right then.
She noticed how tense she was, how quickly she was speaking, and how familiar this state was for her. Maybe you can relate?
The simple act of bringing awareness to her posture began to create a shift.
Her shoulders softened. Her speech slowed. Instead of leaning forward, she gently leaned back in her chair. Her presence became calmer, and more grounded.
All of this happened naturally, without me guiding or suggesting any of those shifts.
I asked her to notice her inner state at the beginning of the call, and how she felt after I invited her to pay attention to her body posture.
Then, I offered her a simple frame:
“If where you started is Point A, and what you’ve accessed already is Point B, what would Point C look like?”
In other words: “What would the evolution of that grounding process be?”
I was inviting her to explore what might happen if her behaviour didn’t have to be driven by tension.
If the energy wasn’t fear, what else could it be?
She described Point C as having more perspective, being more grounded, and allowing herself to relate to the situation with curiosity and openness.
Her body language mirrored this.
Her voice slowed further.
There was a sense of trust and steadiness.
Fear-Based Energy - Battle Mode
I asked her to name some words to describe the starting point.
Some of the words that came up were:
Push, go, fight, and drive.
We eventually named this initial state battle mode.
This is a mode many of us know well. It is the mode we access when we are fighting life, pushing forward, bracing ourselves, or trying to stay ahead.
However, battle mode is not a sustainable source of energy over time.
It is an incredibly useful skill.
It helps us push ahead when needed.
The issue is not that this mode exists. The issue is when it becomes default and the only place we know how to operate from.
I spent some time helping my client recognise this in herself and how much this battle energy has enabled her to be successful and, rather than judging it and wanting to get rid of it (as many of my clients do) she could now start to find a new source of energy to take her forward.
A Shift to Aligned Energy
I then asked her to describe the state she had just accessed by leaning back and grounding herself.
The words were very different:
Being. Trust. Breathing. Allowing. Perspective.
As the session continued, we explored how approaching her future career decisions from battle mode narrowed her perspective. When fear was in charge, her thinking became more limited, more rigid, more effortful.
Later in the conversation, something subtle but important happened.
Without realising it, she began using the word care several times and, each time she said it, she touched her chest. Each time, her energy increased naturally.
I didn’t interrupt her. I simply observed the pattern.
When she finished speaking, I reflected it back to her.
The word care.
The hand on the chest.
The rise in energy.
Without consciously trying to, she had uncovered the word that named this new source of action.
Care.
The Evolution of Our Energy Sources
Defaulting to battle mode is something I regularly see, particularly with senior leaders.
They are still approaching life with the same level of energy, push and over-effort that served them at the beginning of their career. This is understandable because it worked back then.
But it is also exhausting.
As we grow and mature, we are often invited into new forms of effectiveness, ones that rely less on force and more on alignment, perspective, and what genuinely matters.
Not doing less. Not caring less. But simply accessing a different energy source.
The biggest shift I see for senior leaders who have achieved success through effort and pressure is learning how to source their action from somewhere else, something that feels purposeful, aligned, and meaningful for them.
For my client, the word was: Care.
(We laughed at the irony of my client only now discovering how to access new internal sources of energy when she works in the energy sector!)
To help her embody this further, I asked her what her experience is like in family life when she is in “battle mode”, and how that might shift if she consciously started operating in “care mode”.
She said this would allow her to take perspective and respond consciously rather than reacting from frustration.
She told me she would practise “care mode”, even if her spouse and child were in “battle mode”.
What stood out as she spoke was that she was leaning forward, much like at the beginning of our call. However, there was a different quality present. There was still action and engagement. The difference was in her presence and in the conscious intention behind her voice.
Imagine the impact each of us could have if we consciously chose an energy source that is not based in fear, but instead in care, connection, inspiration, or joy.
A Practice for the Week
If you’re curious to explore this in your own life, here is a simple practice.
Notice a few areas where fear tends to drive your decisions. This might be work, family, planning for the future, or important conversations.
Close your eyes and imagine planning or acting from fear. Notice what happens in your body. Pay attention to tension, contraction, posture, and the thoughts that arise.
Take a slow breath. Gently lean back. Place a hand on your chest.
Bring to mind a word that could represent a different source of energy for you. Care. Trust. Love. Abundance. You get to choose a word, an energy source, that inspires you.
Notice what shifts in your body when you connect with this word.
Then ask yourself:
How might my decisions change if I approached them from this energy rather than from fear? In my relationships, at work, with my family?
I would like to hear what source of energy inspires you. Share what shifts you notice when you consciously choose a new energy source in the comments.
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