How Leaders Can Regulate Their Nervous System and Perform Better Under Pressure
“We regulate our nervous systems through our bodies, not through our thoughts alone.”
~ Bessel van der Kolk
A client came to a recent session visibly stressed and activated.
He had been asked to facilitate a high-stakes negotiation with one of his company’s main partners. Senior leadership would be in the room, and the outcome would have a significant impact on the business.
As we explored what was coming up for him, I asked:
“What’s the worst-case scenario your mind is creating?”
He paused and said:
“I blank. I let my nerves take over and ruin the negotiation.”
Underneath it, I could sense a lot of pressure. He was a leader with years of experience, including many successful negotiations. And yet, in that moment, none of that felt available to him.
His voice and energy reflected it.
He was restless, shifting in his seat, looking away from the screen. His speech was fast and slightly scattered. There was a sense of urgency, like he needed to either solve this quickly or get out of that situation.
This is the point where most leaders try to push through.
They keep analysing and try to think their way back into clarity.
But from that state, clear thinking is rarely accessible.
Since we had done embodiment work in previous sessions, I asked:
“Would it be useful to check in with your body, like we’ve done before?”
He nodded and closed his eyes.
“What are you noticing in your body right now?”
“My chest feels tight…and my hands are tense.”
I invited him to welcome those sensations, rather than fighting them.
After a couple of breaths, I noticed the shift.
His shoulders dropped slightly. His breathing slowed. The urgency softened.
I asked:
“What’s happening now?”
“It feels…more contained. I still feel some pressure, but it’s not taking over.”
I then invited him to bring his attention to his lower body and feel his feet connecting to the ground.
After a few breaths, I asked him to open his eyes and keep part of his awareness there, on his feet, as we continued the session.
Something he could come back to, not only in that moment, but also during the negotiation.
Having spent some time feeling the sensations in his body and keeping part of his attention on his feet, he was able to approach the conversation from a different place.
Same situation. Same stakes.
But something had shifted.
When I asked about previous negotiations, he was able to reconnect with his expertise. He remembered what had worked for him and how he could adapt his approach depending on the situation.
His resourcefulness was back.
Not because we solved the problem.
But because we changed the state he was in.
Where Most Leaders Get Stuck
This is the point where most leaders continue acting from an activated state, without realising it.
We tell ourselves we don’t have time to slow down.
But slowing down is often what allows us to access what we already have.
The grounding with my client only took a few minutes, but it made the rest of the session much more focused and productive than if we had continued from his initial state.
I saw a different version of this with another client.
She needed to have a difficult conversation with one of her direct reports about low performance.
Like many of the empathetic clients I work with, she had been avoiding this conversation, not because she didn’t care, quite the opposite. She wanted to be supportive and didn’t want to come across as critical.
As she spoke, I could see the tension.
Her body was still, almost frozen. She was slightly slouched back in her chair, as if pulling away from something. Her tone was uneasy. She struggled to find the words.
We had worked before on her tendency to people-please, especially in moments of conflict.
I asked:
“What are you noticing in your body right now?”
At first, she tried to answer from her head.
So I said:
“Imagine you can switch your mind off with a remote control, and just feel what’s happening in your body.”
She closed her eyes.
After a few seconds, she said:
“There’s a contraction in my chest…pressure in my shoulders…and a knot in my throat.”
Then I invited her to welcome those sensations in her body without trying to change them and to notice her posture.
She was leaning back, almost as if she was trying to retreat or hide.
I asked how that felt in her body.
She described it as a sinking feeling. A closing in the chest. A sense of pulling away.
Instead of trying to get rid of it, I invited her to fully accept those sensations.
After a while, she said:
“It’s less intense”
Then I invited her to open her eyes and then sit in a more neutral position.
“What’s different?”
“I feel more grounded…a bit more confident.”
To make the contrast clearer, I asked her to lean back again into the original posture.
She could immediately reconnect with that sense of hiding or wanting to avoid.
And then I asked her to lean slightly forward.
That created a noticeable shift.
Her posture changed. Her energy changed.
“I am still a bit nervous, but I definitely feel more confident like this,” she said.
We returned to the conversation she needed to have from the leaning forward posture.
There was a new energy and confidence in her voice.
The focus was not on getting it perfect, but on finding the balance between being clear while staying supportive.
We ended the session with her commitment to finding that balance.
Later that day, she sent me a text message:
“The conversation went well. I was able to give the feedback clearly, and he even thanked me for not sugar coating it.”
Two different situations.
A high-stakes negotiation.
A difficult conversation.
But the same underlying pattern.
In both cases, the issue wasn’t a lack of experience, clarity, or resourcefulness.
It was that, under pressure, they had lost access to it.
And in both cases, the shift didn’t come from more thinking.
It came from reconnecting with the body.
Most people think they need to push through.
But more often, what’s needed is to pause, connect with what’s happening in the body, and allow it to settle.
From there, clarity tends to follow.
A Simple Place to Start
Over the next few days, notice when pressure begins to rise.
Not to change it immediately, but to recognise it.
You might ask yourself:
“What’s happening in my body right now?”
Then try something simple:
Feel your feet on the ground during a meeting.
Welcome the discomfort instead of resisting it.
Notice your posture before an important conversation.
Most of us look for answers through thinking.
But how we think depends on the state we’re in.
And that state is shaped by how connected we are to what our body is trying to communicate.
I’d love to hear from you in the comments. What challenges are you facing, and what would you like me to write about?
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